twas the day after v-day...

and all through the house, the moww moww's were stirring... and really really noisy when they play in the venetian blinds.

I had a good day today, I had training in Olympia. It was good times. I learned a lot.

I came home and exploded on Ben. I have felt really uncomfortable with his plans this weekend. or his "lack" of them. And just his behavior of late. Sometimes He honestly makes me feel really unappreciated, and well, like I'm just not good enough anymore with his whole new look and everything. who exactly are you trying to impress? What kind of people are you attracting? What, if you're truly trying to be a better person, makes a difference about what you look like? Is that what you want people to like you for? Funny enough I'm not a mind reader, so don't assume I understand your motives. I APPRECIATE DRIVE! I have it myself, but what is your motive? I ask that of everyone... what drives you? Contemplate that... and let me know.

If I had a resolution this year, it would be to truly become a better person. I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO. But I believe that understanding what obstacles you have to overcome is half the battle.

I need to work on my emotional dependency. I have all the independence a person could ask for. I'm confident and on top of my game at work. But I rely on others, and lately namely Ben, for my happiness. I need to seriously work on some growth there. No one is perfect, and I'm far far far far far from it... but I'm proud of the growth I've made as an adult this last couple weeks. It makes me excited about the person I am becoming.

Sorry this was so deep. My original witty self will be back soon.

lots of love

Rachel (It's appropriate on this one)